Do You Mind
Monday, June 2, 2014 @ 11:56 PM | 1 heart(s)
I know that you will never step into this blog of mine. Lucky. Because what I'm going to say here is probably the safest place where I can let it out.

I think I'm in love with you.

I don't know why. I don't know how. It just become so sudden.

Maybe it's because of the way you treated me on the date of my birthday? You took time to wake up and come up a message then send it to me at midnight, wishing me the best of my day. I appreciated it, that the greeting you sent to me was the only thing I saved on my notes, which lead the rest-the other valuable and sentimental ones-gone. But wanna know why I kept it? Because it's from a guy. And it's a first for me. Especially for someone who had a bad past on boys (I got bullied by your fellow species. I know. It sucks to be me.)

Maybe it's the every single way you did to make interactions with me? You're like that after we met. Idk. I can't recall because I have a really poor memory on things like these. The last time we met, I felt weird. You and my friend are talking about something but I noticed that your eyes are looking into mine. I don't recall if it's deep. But, it was intense. I felt that there's something un-explainable but that something is still there.

Or maybe it's because that we have a lot in common, not only in interests but also in manners and behavior (according to other people), to the point that everyone around me find us as a thing? A newly formed chemistry? Maybe. I find it cute that they see us as a thing. But did the one who started it know? I don't know. You two always talk to each other. I have no clue on it. Or maybe I was too carried away, to the extent that it became serious?

Weird, right? Yeah. I fucking fell for you.

To the point that I made that RP account just to make you happy. Luckily, Facebook deactivated it. It was fun, at first. Knowing your reactions that your bias adds you up. But it was tiring as the days gone by, to the point that you didn't reply to my questions anymore.

To the point that I spend a little of my allowance for you so I can buy you a pair of Chanyeol polaroids. I always wonder if you put them up on the cork, along with the letter I gave you.

To the point that I fucking pretend that I only see you as a friend in front of my friends and laugh my ass out on their whole "they got chemistry" tease.

To the point that only a very few knew what I feel for you. Because I don't like spoilers.

The feeling is new. And more surreal than my past. He's horrible. And I was a stupid high school girl that got too confused on love all thanks to the wonders of adolescence.

But this time, right now, is real. The feeling of falling, is real. So does the feeling of not sure if I can land safely or not.

I don't even know if I can tell you what I feel about you right now. I don't even have the guts to ask you on what do you feel about me. I'm so scared of making our simple bond turning slowly into a dull memory where it'll be describe as "oh-we're friends-all-because-of-our-common-interest" thingy.

So, what about now? I don't know. I don't know if I should take action. You don't even talk to me anymore. It's so sudden. Very sudden. That the possibility of rejection is very high.

So I guess, I should hide it from you for now. I am waiting for the right time to say it to you. I know it will leave my mind all messy, but what the hell. I enjoy our small bond. It's so valuable to break it.

And I like the fun of surprises. I don't know if you have one for me. But I will wait for the right time. And that will be the time for the action.

I don't expect to have my feelings returned. But the important thing is, I will always be there for you.

I love you.